A younger couple—a doctor with a demanding job and his partner who had paused her career to support him—came to me struggling with emotional distance and gridlock. He often arrived home exhausted, leading to her feeling neglected and unheard, echoing her upbringing in an emotionally unavailable family. This created resentment: she felt like a roommate rather than a partner, with arguments turning into criticism and defensiveness, amplifying the Four Horsemen (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling) from John Gottman's research.

Using Gottman methods, we started with thorough interviews to trace their history, uncovering how his high-pressure role mirrored her childhood neglect, triggering reactive patterns. We focused on soft startups versus hard ones—shifting from accusatory "you" statements to "I" expressions of needs—and non-violent communication to make observations without judgments. I encouraged awareness of emotions and triggers, helping them recognize when bad moods led to turning away instead of toward each other, while exploring upbringing insights to build empathy (e.g., his stoic family background clashing with her need for presence).

We incorporated habits like weekly "date nights" to cultivate romance and teamwork, moving beyond tit-for-tat to collaborative problem-solving. Body language cues, like eye-rolling or turning away, were addressed in real-time to foster attunement. Over nine sessions, they improved emotional expression, reduced reactivity, and felt closer—gaining self-awareness of their roles, better hearing each other, and rebuilding trust through consistent, supportive interactions.