Strategy #19: Emotional Regulation with Dysfunctional or Narcissistic Families in Scapegoat Recovery

Mastering Emotional Regulation Amid System Anxiety

Number 19 is the notion of emotional regulation. If you're interacting with your family and they are very much toxic, or their anxiety starts to affect you. In Jerry Wise's work, he talks about pinging—your parents ping you, make a comment to undermine you, your child self gets reactive, you get upset, and they feed that emotion in the family dynamic.

Not easy, but the better you're able to stay calmer and more in tune with yourself and less reactive, generally the better. You'll be calmer and less dysregulated in your personal life.

Notice dysregulation when interacting: more anxious, body pains, out of sorts, confusion, emotional flashbacks. Spend time away or limit contact—you're likely calmer, more well-adjusted, more yourself.

Practical Strategies to Stay Grounded

Choose interactions thoughtfully, check in with someone, use energy bubble exercises, take care of your health and body. This keeps you emotionally in tune and less dysregulated.

Focus on understanding your family, stay calm, pay attention to inner parts triggered. Families know how to undermine sensitivities—but with awareness of past reactions and potential comments, prepare.

We're all human—it's not easy. If you react and get into conflict, do your best to re-regulate. It could take hours to days; don't give yourself a hard time.

Limit contact to avoid lashing out for accountability. Don't personalize—it's not about you. Get back in touch with yourself, focus on physical, emotional, mental health, check with supportive friends.

Advanced Application: Pre-interaction, IFS-map likely pings (e.g., "You're too sensitive"); post-trigger, somatic check-in (body scan) + reframe non-personalization. Track patterns in a regulation journal.

Integration for Complex PTSD Management

This prevents system anxiety escalation, preserves self-leadership, and accelerates recovery in adult children of narcissistic parents.

What family ping dysregulates you most? How long to re-regulate? Comment below.

Access regulation exercises in my Scapegoat & Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Course with 45-page Healing Toolkit. Learn more.