Insights into Flying Monkeys in Narcissistic Family Dynamics: Strategies for Scapegoat Recovery
Drawing from psychological principles, I'll explore definitions, types, origins, and practical strategies for those on the receiving end of smear campaigns or manipulation. If you're navigating narcissistic abuse as a scapegoat, these insights can help you understand and reclaim your narrative.
Defining Key Roles in Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
In the dysfunctional family system, particularly with narcissistic parents or a narcissistic parent, they'll use different flying monkeys to discourage and control the scapegoat in the family. Key roles include the scapegoat: the family member blamed for the dysfunction, often the truth teller that absorbs the unconscious anxiety and rejects the assigned role. They tend to not want to accept the role of the scapegoat or being blamed and projected upon from the family, but perhaps in earlier parts of their life, they might've been more self-sacrificing and possibly more of a people pleaser. Also, they're the truth tellers, very sensitive, absorbing the unconscious material of the family.
The narcissist is an individual with grandiose self-importance, lacking empathy, and the false self requires submission from others. Flying monkeys are enablers who extend the narcissist's control, defending abuse and distorting reality for the target.
Have you experienced this triangulation in your own narcissistic family dynamics? Recognizing these roles is the first step in scapegoat healing.
Origins and Psychological Foundations of Flying Monkeys
The notion of flying monkeys, originally taken from the Wizard of Oz, applies to psychological principles. Derived from the Wizard of Oz in 1939, where winged monkeys serve as minions of the Wicked Witch of the West, capturing Dorothy on command. Psychologically and from a mythic level, these extensions of the narcissist pick at the target through harassment or manipulation.
Modern usage is coined in psychological literature to describe proxies in abusive dynamics, often unknowingly aiding control. Not always conscious, but some enjoy the drama. They're proxies, not always self-motivated, but more an extension of the narcissist.
In warfare, think of proxy countries given weapons as an extension. In family context, narcissistic parent using siblings, in-laws, or friends as proxies to target the scapegoat.
Types of Flying Monkeys in Narcissistic Abuse
There are three types of flying monkeys. The useful idiots: unaware enablers manipulated due to insecurities, often acting out of ignorance or loyalty. The malicious ones: aware and complicit, deriving satisfaction from the abuse, often with narcissistic traits themselves—more conniving and intentional with harm.
The fearful followers: weak individuals coerced by fear or group pressure, outsourcing decisions to the narcissist. On average, all flying monkeys are deeply insecure, with cowardice, superficial in one-on-one interactions, appearing empty—not ones you admire. They gain strength through mob mentality and fusing self with the collective, outsourcing thinking to the group.
They lack integrity in boundaries, distorting reality to align with the narcissist, acting as vapor-like extensions. When dealing with them, you typically don't take them seriously—it's like vapor; you can't argue with them as they're outsourcing thinking to the narcissistic parent. They're trying to throw you off your game and doubt yourself, also likely getting intel on you to pass back.
Flying Monkeys at Micro, Meso, and Macro Levels
Flying monkeys operate at micro, meso, and macro levels. Micro: within the family unit, narcissistic parents using siblings, in-laws, or friends to enable and target the scapegoat. Meso: community or organization, like coworkers or extended networks spreading smear campaigns.
Macro: societal or political level, tribal alliances where political groups outsource reality to a leader, overlapping with cult-like dynamics.
Philosophical and psychological foundations: In philosophy, metaphysics includes ontology—the study of being, understanding what exists, matter, reality testing. Narcissists merge with reality, lacking integration of self, leading to semi-psychotic features like delusions. They believe their lies and grandiosity, merging with others.
In family dynamics, they're trying to emotionally fuse with you, lacking differentiation. Having your own ontology and grounding in reality testing is important. Epistemology: study of knowledge—how we attain it. Flying monkeys outsource reality testing to the narcissist, distorting truth. Develop your own epistemology to know what's true about yourself and your life.
Theory of mind: understanding others' mental states—impaired in narcissists as they project and see themselves as deities.
Triangulation and Projection in Dysfunctional Family Systems
In narcissistic family dynamics, there's dysfunctional triangles. In family therapy, triangles involve a dyad needing a third to offload anxiety. In narcissistic systems, anxiety between parties is outsourced to a third, typically the scapegoat. Mentioning the splitting that occurs, the family projecting onto the scapegoat their unowned unconscious material—like guilt, shame, aspects of the lineage they don't want to face. Their own shadow projected creates triangulation.
The scapegoat gets projected upon this unconscious issues onto a stronger individual. The family needs a scapegoat to maintain illusions of health, to contain the unhealthy equilibrium. The collective ego mass, the super ego of the group, enforces rules.
Low differentiation: siblings and members not independent of the system. In healthy systems, high differentiation with transparency, genuine mutuality, reconciliation through truth and acknowledgment—flexible, not rigid. In undifferentiated ego mass, assigned roles, emotional fusion, projection. Narcissistic parent pseudo-psychotic, projecting onto children, distorting reality.
Flying monkeys as extensions of that distortion and triangles needing the scapegoat seen in a certain light.
How do flying monkeys present? Might come off as people pleasers, some kind on the surface—but typically useful idiots, naive with unfaced trauma, enabling the narcissistic parent. Or narcissistic qualities themselves, groomed by the system—extension of unhealthy differentiation through collective projection.
Strategies for Addressing Flying Monkeys and Recovery
How to address this? Go to the notion of the Wizard of Oz and Dorothy—she gathered inner resources like courage, intellect to face the wizard (narcissist). Once the veil dropped, it's a puny, weak person. Typically, interacting with the narcissist (e.g., parent), you realize they're from a young part of themselves—pity them, but careful not to give too much empathy as they'll twist it.
They're weak but give allure of grandeur, with flying monkeys and drama creating illusion of perfection—hiding deep insecurities. Some criticism: narcissists aren't necessarily insecure; argument they believe their greatness.
The scapegoat path: reject the scapegoat role, recognize flying monkeys as vapor, prioritize self-awareness over collective illusion. Likely, born in the system as a baby, relationship seemed healthy but unhealthy aspects emerged. Tend to blame yourself, but over time make narcissistic parent more object in awareness through self-reflection, therapy—separate, differentiate, see what's theirs vs. yours.
Reject scapegoat role; don't use JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain), especially to flying monkeys. Prioritize self-awareness; see collective illusion of narcissistic family and flying monkeys for what it is, like Dorothy behind the veil.
If not ready for no contact, use gray rock method: don't engage in drama, stay neutral, calm, rely on friends and therapist for support in interactions.
What strategies have helped you detach from flying monkeys in your narcissistic abuse recovery journey?
Download the Reports for The Scapegoat & Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Course + 45pg Healing Toolkit here: https://blaketherapy.ca/the-ultimate-toolkit
